Where 4 of the “Moves” that led Leo to win the Oscar would take him in Newy

APRIL 2016 NEWCASTLE MIRAGE

1 – River Rampaging

Floating on a lone bit of driftwood down the Hunter River, dodging the Stockton ferry and oncoming tug boats left right and center, he reminisces about poor Jack and how it should’ve been every man and woman for themselves on that dreary night back when it all started. He pulls the log a hard right, away from the Shutter Island-esque lighthouse and he grabs a schooner at the Honeysuckle Boardwalk Beer Festival where that golden liquid never tasted so sweet.

2 - Crawling

With all his experience of dragging his dad bod across the marbled footsteps of a country club or through the harsh landscapes of British Columbia, you would’ve thought he would be a shoe-in for Benjamin Button. Alas, he has mastered one of the key movements you’ll need to get yourself home after devouring an all you can eat feast of protein and everything mouthwateringly tender at Meet in Honeysuckle.

3 – Mumbling and Muttering

After surviving being mauled by a grizzly bear, not once, but TWICE for goodness sakes, all he had left was the movement of his bushy eyebrows and a few quiet whimpers from that heaven-sent face of his. Not being able to open his mouth like someone who had their braces caught on each other leaves him with the only option of being straw fed. What a better way to recover than with a deliciously irresistible Cherry Ripe Smoothie from Table 1 Espresso.

4 - Cheers to that Old Sport

Having his after party filled with girls that his personal manager scouted for earlier in the day at Darby Street, we’d all be lifting our cocktail glasses up and cheering for Leo, celebrating like we were a local at a Saturday night soirée at Gatsby’s. Nothing says speakeasy better than Bar Petite where the guest list would include several Paul’s and only the best eye candy around (Sorry no Tyga’s or Kylie’s allowed).